Red, Orange and Golden

No autumn colors tint that side of the mountain: a one-sided love.

- Kaga No Chiyo

Freaking Out

I am totally not sure now if what I want is really what I want!
The last week has been a rollercoaster ride... I dont think I will ever want to go to Wonderla again!!
The mind is taking over.. HELP!!!

I know no patience

Patience, they say, is what I should have.
Patience, they say, is with what I should deal with all that is unsolved in my heart.
Patience, they say, will bring all the answers.
Patience, they say, is the companion of the wise.
Patience, they say, is the most powerful warrior.
Patience, they say, will attain all that I strive for.
Patience, they say, is passion tamed.
Patience, they say, is the principle part of faith.

But as I know how I want to spend the rest of my life, I want the rest of my life to start as soon as possible.

Patience, please say, how do I find any room for thee?

Mein thehra raha zami chalne lagi..

Ignorance is bliss. When you dont kno yourself you are busy finding out.. and it pretty much takes the focus away from the aspects of who you might be. But when you find out, the sudden rush of realization goes wooshing past and you are left behind, standing, staring, totally oblivious of what just hit you and wondering if it was better when you did not know...

Ae waqt ruk ja, tham ja theher ja
Wapas zara daud peeche
Main chhod aayi khud ko jahan pe
Woh reh gaya mod peeche

Dancing in the Rain

So close to my heart.
Your thoughts cannot part
From me
No matter how much I try
You were, you are, you will
Remain…
A beautiful song which I sang!

I cannot name this feeling
Which I feel
With you by my side
You have cast a spell on me
I call it
Magic
A mystery

You feel so real
Not just a character I dreamed up
Believe me
But if you really are my imagination
Never mind,
Stay put where you are
Just let it be

You made me cry
And laugh
Made me feel all the Emotions that exist
Life is not the same anymore
Without you.
Things seem dull, insane

Why is every face Like yours?
Every voice,
like yours?
Like a misty fog
An unexplainable joy
So profound
I feel like Dancing in the rain!!!

by Nazia Praveen

It works

If you want to tell people the truth, make them laugh, otherwise they'll kill you.
-Oscar Wilde

Oh That Smile

Brilliant fireworks in the night sky
Golden color of autumn
First drops of summer rain
Magic in the moment

Enchanting moon on a bed of shining stars
The green of the sea
Fairy tales told at bedtime
Blueberry cheese pastry

Romes and Parises of the world
Beautiful pieces of art
Unexpected pleasant surprises
And poems that speaks the heart

Each time you smile at me
The smile has similar effect
I tumble down falling free
And life seems so perfect

Yet, all the joys put together
Could not possibly match
The way my heart is intoxicated by
That smile... oh that smile of yours

(Disclaimer: The characters appearing in this work are fictitious. No similarity to actual person/s is intended or should be inferred.)

Delusion

Daydream delusion
Limousine Eyelash
Oh, baby with your pretty face
Drop a tear in my wineglass
Look at those big eyes
See what you mean to me
Sweet cakes and milkshakes
I am a delusion angel
I am a fantasy parade
I want you to know what I think
Don’t want you to guess anymore
You have no idea where I came from
We have no idea where we’re going
Launched in life
Like branches in the river
Flowing downstream
Caught in the current
I’ll carry you
You’ll carry me
That’s how it could be
Don’t you know me?
Don’t you know me by now?

(from Before Sunrise)

Boss-isms

My boss gives me really good stuff to think of.

He says:

"Its better to take a wrong decision than no decision at all."

“Learn how to differentiate between Urgency and Importance. Never become a victim of other people's urgencies and give up or delay what is important to you."

"Khushboo, presentation is everything in consulting business. Even if your content is a little shaky, a good presentation can cover it up and leave the audience in awe."

"Learn by taking baby steps. You can run only after that."

More to follow...

The Good, the Evil and Me

"There is an old illusion - it is called good and evil."

Yesterday, I saw a picture and it got me thinking. It had a clear message: everything is black or white. There are no shades of gray. You can choose to be good or you can choose to be evil, you cannot be indifferent and choose not to be any. Being good or evil is just a binary choice.

Is it an illusion we are living in? Had it been so simple all evil would have been dead by now. Only good would have prevailed. If you could sieve and separate the two, people would probably choose to be good all the time. Being evil isn’t everyone's favorite state of being usually. At least people don’t accept it.

Even if there were people who liked to be evil, it would just be a matter of choice. Life would be oh so simple. It would in fact lay down a very clear path for everyone's life. Every time there is a fork on the road, people would know which way to take depending on what they like to be, good or evil.

There is a big flaw in this theory and that is because of the assumption of ceteris paribus. This theory assumes that every time someone is at crossroads, it is just the choice between good and evil that matters. It ignores the ever changing circumstances and it ignores the effect the decision will have on other people.

What is good for one might be evil for another. Let’s take war for example. A soldier would go to the front and kill a few for his country. It is good noble deed. But it is a gross evil for the family of those who he has killed. For that matter killing itself is evil. How do we define this action? We cannot ignore the trickle down and trickle up effect of anything.

There is gray. In fact there is red, blue, yellow, green, mauve, magenta, peach, brown, lilac, maroon, orange, turquoise, purple, gold, cream, off white, ivory, charcoal, beige, cyan and indigo too. And this is what we choose from. Not just black and white. We can choose to walk on the grass or take a detour through the woods instead of taking one of the paved paths on the crossroad. This is what makes life interesting.

Between the heavenly good and the forsaken evil, I live my normal unpredictable life. I rationally hear the arguments of the angel on my right shoulder and the devil on my left, mix the black and white and get a totally new hue of life.

Between Mind and Heart

I have a very neat mind. Everything gets compartmentalized in it. Every thought is processed carefully and consciously. It uses basic formulas to calculate the output. These formulas are based only on facts. Nothing is abstract. The output, my thoughts and decisions, is hence sound and simple derived from pure logic. I have lived with this mind for 25 years now. I have a sneaky feeling that it’s started malfunctioning.

The calculator in my mind is fairly simple. It does not use any formula with functions of heart. I let my heart do what its good at: pumping blood. With heart problems being so common in people these days, it’s best not to exert it unnecessarily. Also I strongly believe in the concept of comparative advantage. Everything should do what it is good at. This is the most optimal use of resources and leads to pareto efficient point of being. The job of the heart is to pump blood, it should do just that. The job of the mind is to think and analyze, it should do just that. And with the mind sans any pumping mechanism, the situation becomes really complicated when the heart starts thinking. It leads to inefficiency and sometimes even complete breakdown of the system. Now I would definitely not want to run my life like the economy of some country...

I believe it has been established beyond all doubt that 'Every man (thing) to his (its) job' is the philosophy of an optimal life. I would like to point out that this works best with laissez-faire. But I had forgotten to factor in the externalities....

This misassumption in the design of the mental calculator has led to slight complications and malfunctioning. Now the heart is being overworked as its doing its own job as well as doing some of the thinking for the mind. The heart has started calling the thoughts feelings. So now we have a jargon problem too. And as the mental calculator is getting data from the mind as well as the heart, its confused as to which statistics to pick for final output. The result is getting messier by the day and unless some higher intervention is introduced it might lead to system failure.

What is important at this point of time is to remove the externality. It is a temporary solution I know, but it will buy me time to redesign and get back previously prevailing sanity.

Smile

That smile you give. God, every time I think I can live without you, you give me that smile. You really shouldn't do that to me.

Stuntman

Another of my pictionary drawings :)

Nostalgia

Questions unasked, answers unsought, words unuttered, lines un-scribbled, emotions unexpressed, gifts not exchanged, apologies not offered, jokes unshared, places unvisited, pictures not clicked, farewells missed, walks and bike rides unfinished, games not played, conversations unfinished, won while losing and lost even after winning. This is how it ended. One of the most beautiful chapters of our lives comes to an end. An experience which was so gratifying and yet so incomplete. Adieu GIM, only till we meet again!

Thats Joey's status message on gtalk... as the batch of 07-09 say their goodbyes to GIM, they trigger a feeling of deja vu. The strong feeling of missing people, places and things is almost tangible. I guess we will let go.. slowly.. a little bit with every next batch's goodbyes.

What Good Weekends Are Made Of

Of Pictionaries and Unos
Of Cards and Toothpics
Of CCDs and Coffees
Of Sandwiches and Iced Teas
Of Orchids and Table mats
Of Movies and Songs
Of Horror Scenes and Dance Shows
Of Mast Calandars and Paans
Of Drives and Walks
Of Terreces and Moons
Of Minute Maids and Cokes
Of Ballygunjs and Indranagars
Of Stars and Winds
Of Grapes and Khakras
Of Bangalores and Calcuttas
Of Icecreams and Chocolate syrups
Of Evenings and Nights
Of Pick up and Drops
Of Specs and Health Check ups
Of Corner Houses and DBCs
Of Winning and Kicking Asses
Of Sunrises and Water Tanks
Of Good Friends and Happinesses

crocodile-i-drew

I tried selling this pic. Following are the responses I got:

Bidder 1: 50 paisa... Accha Re 1 lelo.

Bidder 2: I think u need to pay people to even look at your ugly drawing. So ur payment to me is due!

Bidder 3: $50 or a cup of coffee but on the condition that you sign the picture.

Bidder 4: $100 if you get it enlarged and framed.

Finally I decided that I like it too much to sell it to anyone. But if I can manage to get 100 dollars for something I took like 30 seconds to draw, I just might have a future in the creative world of art and architecture....

A Picture is Worth a Thousand Words

Well literally..!

You would know if you have played pictionary. It’s a game where a player draws a picture and the team members guess the word. Quite like dumb charades, except it’s about drawing and not acting. Sometimes people would go on guessing everything in the world except for the word that’s meant... a pic is worth a thousand words!

I have always loved this game in spite of not being a good drawer. Imagine my disappointment when I was told that Brew Ha-ha closed down while I was away. It was one of my bestest places in Bangalore. :(

But then pictionary happened again :D
Quite out of the blue. I randomly went out with Nidhi and her friends, and to my surprise found that Indranagar CCD had all sorts of games too. Still… having games around with no one enthusiastic enough to play is as good as not having the games around. But then again, I was with a bunch of very very over-enthused people. We played pictionary till late evening, then Uno and I had a very good Friday evening.

But that’s not where it stops. Saturday evening was even more fun. I went against my principles and played cards with money :( Ended up losing 500 bucks too! hehe... And then we played pictionary till early morning even without the game board and word cards. We took random words and drew them on the table mats of The Royal Orchid... it was like being back in school with no cares in the words.. we just played away to glory! Just awesome...

There were other highs and lows of the weekend as well.. things that made me sad and the same things that made me extremely happy.. but thats for some other day and some other post.

My fondest memory of playing pictionay is when I drew the word mummy. We (Nidhi and I) were at Brew Ha-ha. I thought it would be easier to draw Egyptian mummy rather than a woman with kids. I drew a human form with bandages. Nidhi could not guess. I even drew a pyramid.. still no guesses..! We ended up literally fighting. She claimed that noone could ever guess that it was a mummy. So, I randomly asked a guy at the next table if he could make out wat the pic was and he was like yeah..its mummy. Nidhi was shocked, i was surprised and we ended up laughing our guts out!

I will post a picture of the crocodile I drew this weekend. She guessed it within seconds :)

I m no c h i c k e n

Every time I read a Stephen King I resolve not to.. ever again..

I don’t get scared or anything.. who gets scared of a story?! I am not a freak! Everything is perfectly fine till the lights are on. I enjoy reading him.

But.

When I switch off the lights and am alone in the room and the night's a little windy and the curtains move and there are eerie shadows on the walls and I have nearly slept but not quite.. it gets tini-wini uncomfortable. Then a dog whines outside inevitably. The subconscious plays silly tricks and I am wide awake... Not good for work the next day..

I know it’s crazy to think that there can be something under the bed and I have never thought so in the day time...

I follow the principle of elemination

I dont know what I want, but I 'definitely' know what I dont want.

Mera Hindustan

France dekha, Italy dekha aur dekha Germany ka autobahn
Saare jahan me kahin nahi hai dusra hindustan
Switzerland dekha, Luxumburg dekha aur dekha Spain ka asmaan
Saare jahan me kahin nahi hai dusra hindustan
Netherlands dekha, Belgium dekha, aur dekha Vatican ka bhajan gaan
Saare jahan me kahin nahi hai dusra hindustan